I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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