i think my tv is drunk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
