Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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