Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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