dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
