i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
