all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
