Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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