Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
