Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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