You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
