His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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