I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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