We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
