Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
