Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
