And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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