Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
