sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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