i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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