honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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