I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
