Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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