The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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