We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
