Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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