Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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