There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
