Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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