The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
