just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
