I love black thongs
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
