I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have fence marks all over my body
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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