It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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