I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
