so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
