But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize