Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
