woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
