I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
