he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize