I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
one might say we're banned from that church
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
