Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
