Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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