4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
