the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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