I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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