I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
