I'm lost and stupid without you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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