3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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