you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
