so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Four minutes until I can fart!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
