I'm really into asian looking animals
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
