That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
