I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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