I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
