Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
