Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
