No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
