saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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