I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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