My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
