We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
