i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
