Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
