ya dads aren't the best wingmen
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
