And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
