I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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