ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
