dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
