No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
