Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
