Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
